Loss
by Toxikchic9
Summary: Um...Syd and Gage fic. I was in one of those "Let's be demented and disturbed moods, so it's kind of a downer. R&R please, just don't flame!


Disclaimer: I don't own Syd, Gage, Walker, Alex, Trivette, Angela, or Julie. CBS and TopKick Productions do. NOT ME. I own everybody else, and the story line. So if CBS wants to sue me that's too bad. I don't have any money anyway, so it'd be a waste of time.  
  
Loss  
By Faeria417  
  
"Breathe in breathe out  
You keep me alive  
You are the fire buring inside of me  
You are my passion for life"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
Sydney sat by her TV waiting for TV dinner to finish. It had been a long day, and she was REALLY hungry. Nothing interesting was happening on the news, so the beeping of the microwave brought Sydney away from the TV. Right when she had settled herself on the couch with her dinner, the phone rang.   
  
"Hey Syd, it's me, I was wondering if I could come over to your apartment, because I think I might have left my jacket there when we were reviewing that drug bust a week ago," said her partner.  
  
"Sure, come on over," said Syd, wanting him to come over. Of course she didn't want him to come over because of a stupid lost jacket. She wanted his company. She liked being around him, because he had a little something special about him. Maybe it was the way he was overprotective, even though he KNEW she could take care of herself. Maybe it was his classic all-American smile that could make your heart melt in a second. Or maybe it was just that he was perfect. Whatever it was, she was in love with it. It took her a while to figure it out, but she was in love with Francis Gage.  
  
About 15 minutes after the call Sydney got worried. Gage's apartment was 10 minutes away, and he hadn't called her to say he would come later. After another 5 minutes, Gage showed up at her door, holding his right arm.   
  
"Hey Syd. Do you have some neosporin and a bandage? I got a little nick on the way over here," he said acting as if nothing was wrong.  
  
Syd quickly led him to her bathroom.  
  
"Take you're hand off your "nick" and let me see it," she instructed.  
  
"Syd, it's OK, just let me do this myself. I'm a big boy now you know," Gage teased, flashing his famous smile.  
  
"Gage, I'm not playing with you...,"she said as she removed his hand to discover a heavily bleeding open wound. "Gage, how did you get this? What happened to you?" she asked as she started to clean out the wound gently and carefully.  
  
"Just a run in with a sniper. I was walking, and suddenly there were bullets, so I jumped out of the line of fire. He had a silencer on his gun, and you had the TV on, so you probably didn't hear the shots. Yes, there was a gun, but I didn't get any bullets in me. This one just grazed my arm," he said as he winced from pain.  
  
"Take off your shirt, so I can wash out the blood, and so I can clean this better. Hold this antiseptic rag up to your arm, and apply as much pressure as you can without hurting yourself," Syd said after absorbing this shocking news. He held out his shirt to her with his good arm, and Syd couldn't help but look at his muscular, chiseled chest. His stomach must have been the definition of six pack. After she realized she was staring at him, she quickly ran over to her kitchen sink, and soaked the shirt in some Shout. Grabbing some bandages, she returned to the bathroom.  
  
"I just put some shout on the shirt, and I'm letting it soak before I throw it in the wash," she said as she wrapped the bandage around his wounded arm. " I just can't fathom who would try and hurt you, or..."  
  
"Kill me, and I can think of a lot of people that want me dead," Gage said.  
  
"Don't say that. If the sniper was on my building, he was probably supposed to get me," she said as her eyes got foggy and her nose got runny," but got you instead."  
  
"Syd, it's OK. It doesn't even hurt that much. Don't worry about it," he said as he reached to hug her, forgetting he was injured, and shirtless.  
  
He winced as his arm let out a pang of pain. He just held her to him as she cried with his good arm What was up with Syd? She NEVER cried, and it wasn't even that serious of an injury. Okay, so maybe it did hurt like hell; and maybe he did look a little pale from blood lost, but why was she suddenly so upset? When any other ranger got hurt, or when she got hurt for that matter, it wasn't a big deal, but when he got hurt, she started to cry. She got really upset about the bear attack and the temporary hearing loss, and now this. What was the problem?  
  
Under normal circumstances, Syd would have been absolutely ecstatic because Gage was in HER apartment and he didn't have a shirt on. He was HUGGING her and he didn't have a shirt on. But she couldn't help it. She hated it when he got hurt, and now he took some bullets that were probably supposed to be hers. How was that fair? Wait back up...he was hugging her; he was shirtless; she was crying onto his muscular chest...  
  
"You know," she said as she sniffled, and pulled away, "I think this is just PMS. I'm glad you're OK, and if you want to grab a frozen dinner out of the freezer that would be great, and you can just sit on the couch. I'm going to go check on your shirt..."  
  
Puzzled by Syd's sudden change of attitude, he wandered into her kitchen. Syd really never was to expressive, because she thought that she had to be emotionless to fit in with the guy rangers. She had let loose a couple of times when Gage was around, but never about something so stupid. Well, he had tried his best to comfort her. Grabbing a frozen dinner he realized what he had just done. He had hugged her, and looking down he realized he didn't have a shirt on. Wow! What had that been? It obviously wasn't just because he was happy. Did he have feelings for Syd? They had always been close friends, but was there more than that? Getting curious, because he had never REALLY explored Syd's surroundings, he wandered into her living room to check out the photos. Surprised, he only saw one of Syd's family, two of Walker and Alex, and one of CD and Trivette. However, there were 7 pictures of them together, or of just Gage. Picking one up, he was surprised to see it was of him and Syd dancing at the ranger's ball. He had never noticed anyone taking a picture, nor had Syd ever shown it to him.  
  
"Hey Syd, nice picture," he said motioning towards the frame, "who took it?"  
  
"Yeah...um...Alex took it, and .... I meant to show it to you, but I guess I forgot," she said as she wrung her hands. Quickly changing the subject she added, "Can you drive with one arm? I mean, is it safe to drive like that? You lost a lot of blood too. Do you want to stay over night on the couch here until tomorrow when I can drop you off at your apartment? You know I hate driving at night."  
  
Taken by surprise Gage stammered, "Um, yeah. I mean, yes I think I can drive. I appreciate your offer, but um, but I should be getting home. Why don't you just give me my shirt tomorrow. Yeah, I think that would be best."  
  
"You're sure? I mean, it's totally okay with me if you stay!" she exclaimed hoping he'd take her up on her offer.  
  
"No I really should get going...um...that jacket I was looking for...I didn't find it, so, I'll just go down to my car now. I'll see you tomorrow, don't forget my shirt, and be careful OK?" he said, rushing out the door.  
  
"I'll go down with you. I think the sniper is either gone, or is shooting for me, so then you'll be safe," she said as she grabbed a jacket, and followed him out the door to the elevator.  
  
"It's nice to know you care," he teased.  
  
She punched him in the stomach. "Of course I care! Don't be stupid...you know Gage..." she started, but then trailed off. She almost told him how she felt, but he hadn't wanted to stay at her house, so obviously it was just a friendly, partner relationship. But still...  
  
"Yeah Syd...um...about the kiss...and the hug..."  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
"Right..."  
  
"Well, I'm glad we talked about that! I feel much better having that off my chest!" he said playfully as the elevator door opened.  
  
"Definitly. Call me when you get home so I know you're OK, alright?" she asked worriedly.  
  
He hugged her with one arm, hoping to calm her down. "I will. Promise. Don't worry about me. Just take it easy, OK?" he said as he hopped into the car, and turn on the ignition.  
  
"OK, and be careful with that arm" she said waving to him as he drove away.  
  
Sighing she returned to her apartment. She had almost leaked it. Almost. Maybe some other time. Maybe even tomorrow at lunch. She sank into her couch, and fell asleep watching the news.  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Waking up, Syd realized four things. 1) It was morning ; 2) she had slept on her couch ; 3) she had to go to the bathroom; 4) Gage never called. Figuring he was just tired and forgot, she got ready for work, dried and ironed his shirt, and left. She put the shirt in a plastic bag so no one would see it and get the wrong idea. Not like there was any wrong idea-ing going on in the first place, but co-ed partnerships were always considered to be wrong idea-ing. It was annoying. But the truth was she wanted to be wrong idea-ing... and they kind of did when she kissed him, and when he hugged her. Arriving at the office 10 minutes late due to traffic, Syd expected everyone to be there. But they weren't. In fact Alex was leaning against Sydney's desk, and Trivette and Walker were no where to be found.  
  
"Hey Alex, I didn't mean to be late, but there was a lot of traffic, and I had to iron and dry a shirt, and..."  
  
"Syd, I have to talk to you," Alex interrupted suddenly. "Gage hasn't shown up for work today, and he's usually here before Jimmy. Jimmy called his house, and there was only the answering machine. Do you have any idea where he is?"  
  
"No,....he came over yesterday to look for a jacket, but he had been shot at, and I cleaned out his cut. I invited him to stay on the couch, in case he wasn't up driving , but he left for home. He promised to call when he got home, but he never did, so I thought maybe he just forgot," Syd explained.  
  
"Well, Walker and Trivette are on a case, and they want you to search, okay?"Alex asked.  
  
"Yeah, sure," Syd said sick with worry. "I know a couple of places he might be."  
  
"Syd, be careful, and keep your head, okay? You have to think clearly if you want to find him," Alex called after Sydney as she rushed out the door.  
  
First Syd drove to Gage's apartment. He had given her an extra key in case of an emergency, or in case he lost his. Searching around for clues, she realized he had never come home that night. His dishes that he normally used for breakfast weren't in the sink with dishes used for another meal, probably a light dinner. His bed was unmade, and he hadn't crossed of yesterday on his calendar. This worried Sydney even more. So he hadn't called because he was missing somewhere. Possibly hurt. Possibly...possibly dead.  
  
That thought drove her to tears. She sat on his unmade bed, grabbed a pillow, and hugged it to her for comfort. This whole apartment radiated Gage. It even smelled like Gage. It was that strong, rustic, masculine scent that just let you know it was him. It made you feel safe if you could smell it. She saw a two pictures of Julie with Gage, 1 of Company B, 2 of Sydney, and 3 of Sydney and Gage together. A candid photo that had been taken of them at the office, having a good laugh; one of them camping together as a "partner bonding experience; and one of them together at Christmas. They all brought back so many memories, and just that made Sydney more determined to find him. She put his pillow back, inhaling one more deep breath of his scent, and went off to search some more.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Back at Ranger headquarters Walker and Trivette were going over possible people who would want to get Gage. People who had just gotten out of prison. Suddenly they stumbled across Josh Holier. He had originally been Gage and Julie's foster father, and had been arrested for abuse. 6 months after he got out of prison, Gage and Syd busted him for drug dealing. Josh had escaped from Huntsville yesterday, and he was the most likely person who would want Gage dead. Walker quickly called Sydney.  
  
"Hi Sydney, I have a lead on who might have Gage. Did he ever tell you about Josh Holier?"  
  
"Yeah, of course, we busted him together," she replied.  
  
"Well he got out of Huntsville yesterday, and he seems the most likely to go after Gage. Do you want to check it out, and we'll be driving around, so you can radio us if you find something," Walker said.  
  
"Yeah, I think I have an idea where he might be..."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The day they had gotten the Holier case Gage became quiet and pale. It also happened to be a night when Syd was supposed to go over to Gage's house for dinner. When she arrived he didn't answer the door, so she let herself in to find him sleeping on the couch. As she tried to sneak out the door, he woke up, and realized he had forgotten about dinner. He apologized profusely and started to work on dinner when Syd asked him what was wrong. He told her all about Josh Holier, and how he had liked to beat the kids in a room hidden behind the bedroom wall. He had actually cried, and the thought that he had to go through this torture again made Syd drive even faster to get to the abandoned Holier residence.  
  
Arriving there, she radioed Walker to tell him where she was, and he told her he would arrive in 5 minutes. Discovering the door to be unlocked, but no car, or anyone in sight she entered. Pulling out her gun and being extra careful she walked up to the master bedroom. Remembering what Gage had told her she put down her gun and found the latch to open door. Opening it she found a dusty, cowebby, musty room with a single figure in the middle. The figure had both of his hands tied to the ceiling, so he was hanging down. His body was bruised, and a big gash in he abdomen bled heavily. Scars, never noticed by Sydney before, covered his upper body, along with scars left from battling a bear. It was him.   
  
Overcoming the initial shock she rushed to him to see if he was still breathing. His breath was shallow, but he still had a pulse. Untying him and laying him on the ground, she phoned 911, and then just sat there and waited. His usually strong frame was limp and helpless. His no longer smelled comfortingly like Gage; he smelled like blood and pain. His muscular figure which had always made her feel safe, protected, and cared for now scared her. He was so different. Walker. Trivette, and the paramedics came bursting through the door and put Gage on a stretcher.  
  
"Oh my god..."said Walker, at a loss for words.   
  
Sydney was sobbing by now, and Trivette tried to give her a comforting hug, but it only made it worse, because it seemed like the thing Gage would do, only it didn't feel the same. It wasn't him. It was foreign to her. Trying to run after the stretcher, she was held back by Walker and Trivette.  
  
"Come on Syd, let's go to the hospital and wait there. Don't go running after him, because that's not going to help anyone," Walker said soothingly.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Alex met them at the hospital, and immediately noticed the toll this was taking on Sydney. Alex had always had the impression that there was more to the relationship of the two rangers than what they seemed to express, but both of them vehemently denied it. Now it was more than obvious. Syd was pale, sobbing, and had large dark circles under her eyes. She looked scared. Sydney had only looked scared once before and that was when Gage had been attacked by the bear.  
  
"Hey Sydney, do you want to talk?" Alex said, trying to comfort the poor girl.  
  
"I can't believe this is happening. He always seemed strong, even when he was attacked by the bear, but when I saw him there, he was weak, he was limp, and it scared me. Alex, I don't think I could live without him," Syd sobbed.  
  
"He's going to be fine. You'll see, everything will be fine. It'll be just like when he was attacked by the bear. You were scared, but it all worked out OK. Just don't..."Alex said being cut off by a doctor.  
  
"Who is here for Ranger Francis Gage?" the doctor asked.  
  
"We are," said Walker, as everyone got up to go talk to the doctor, hoping for some good news.  
  
"How is he doctor, what are his injuries. How serious are they," Syd asked, bombarding the doctor with questions.  
  
"His arms were both dislocated, and ribs where broken, he had many cuts and bruises, and most seriously he had a large gash in his side," the doctor said summing up the injuries.  
  
"But will they cause permanent damage? Will he be able to go on with his life normally?" Trivette asked hopefully.  
  
"Unfortunately no, he won't. I'm very sorry to say that Ranger Gage will not go on, and the damage is very permanent. He died right as we began surgery. I wish I could say his death was painless, and he didn't suffer, but...he did suffer. I offer my condolences to you all."  
  
Syd didn't even hear the doctor's condolences, because everything went black.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Walker and Alex dropped Sydney off at her house, knowing that she would need the rest, and Alex stayed with her because she knew Syd would need someone to talk to.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Syd knew she was asleep and dreaming, but it all felt so real. Gage was standing right in front of her, looking healthy, and strong. Syd ran up to him, and hugged him, feeling his strong arms hold her, and taking a deep breath of his smell.  
  
"Syd, I'm so sorry about what happened. It shouldn't have happened, and I should've listened to you. I was wrong. Please forgive me," Gage said, holding her close.  
  
"Forgive you for what?" Syd asked, confused.  
  
"For dying. I should've fought harder to stay alive. Maybe if I fought for 2 more minutes, but I couldn't. I don't have much time with you, so I need to tell you something. Ever since I met you, you've been my best friend, my comrade, and I tell you everything. So there's one last thing I need to tell you. I've felt this way for a while now, and I can't hid it. It's too late now but I love you Sydney Cooke. I wanted to marry you, but didn't have the nerve to ask. I didn't even have to nerve to ask you out. I have to go now, obviously, but don't forget, I love you, and I'll be waiting for you. I'll be watching you," he said as he leaned in and kissed her, "I love you."  
  
He faded into white, which Sydney realized was her ceiling. She got up feeling empty. Alone. She knew she had Walker, Trivette, Alex, and her family, but she still felt alone. Looking at her picture of them dancing, which she had moved into her room, she felt desperation. This was something she would never get over. Ever. She knew what she had to do....  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Hearing a muffled noise in Sydney's room, Alex got up to make sure she was OK. Opening the door she stopped in her tracks.   
  
"I don't think I can live without him..." rang in her head. She hadn't thought Syd would do it. Rushing over to her, Alex discovered it was too late. Blood stained her hands as she took the picture from Syd. Calling the hospital just in case and calling Walker, she tried desperately to do something to save her friend.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
At the funeral, there was no stop to the crying. Everyone sobbed. Trivette stood saluting with tears rolling down his faces. Walker took the American flags from the graves and gave them to Julie, and Syd's mother. His normally serene, inexpressive face was full of pain, and full of tears. Alex held Angela, and was totally unable to control her sobbing. Julie was staring into the distance as the shots were fired, tears rolling down her cheeks, her pain unimaginable. Everyone else was dabbing their eyes, and hugging each other for comfort. The three pictures of Sydney and Gage only reminded people of their loss. One of Sydney smiling at Christmas, after receiving a heart shaped necklace from Gage. One of Gage laughing hysterically on their "partner bonding" trip, with the wilderness behind him. Finally the picture of them dancing together at the ball was the most powerful. They were smiling at each other, whirling around. The last shots where fired, and the two rangers were laid to rest right next to each other in the same grave. After everyone had passed by and paid their very last respects, they went to the ranger station for a memorial done by Walker and Trivette   
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"We are here today to mourn the deaths of two rangers. Both excellent examples of Texas Rangers and human beings. They were great to everyone who knew them, and compassionate to all who needed it. Their mission was to help those who needed it, and bring justice to Texas. Their love for people was great, but their hidden, unspoken love for each other was greater. It was apparent to all who saw them, but it didn't seem to be apparent to them. They will never know what we knew all along, and they will never know our pain at loosing them. They lost their chance, and we have lost them. The world has lost two beautiful people, and is just a little sadder." 


End file.
